Presumably you have things to do, so I’m going to get you up to speed on The Protomen in a hurry, so you can make it to happy hour at Applebee’s.
Allow me to make a bulleted list:
-The Protomen have distilled a thousand years of rock ‘n’ roll into a cocktail of rock ‘n’ roll awesome.
-This cocktail is not available for two-for-one during the Applebee’s happy hour.
-The Protomen are from Nashville, Tenn.
-Jack Daniel’s Tennessee whiskey is made in Tennessee.
-TGI Friday’s uses a Jack Daniel’s Whiskey sauce on a lot of their dishes.
-Applebee’s and TGI Friday’s are arch rivals.
-Rivalry is a theme on both of The Protomen’s records.
-The Protomen’s live show is a rock opera from the future about the good, the evil and the in-between. Their records are not merely collections of the band’s songs. Perhaps they are best understood as original cast recordings of the songs from their hit musical.
-The music is epic. It’s downright Homeric if Homer were a robot Meatloaf from the future. That’s Meatloaf the singer (who was also in David Fincher’s “Fight Club” and did a fine acting job, if I do say so myself), not the meatloaf sandwich available at Applebee’s for $7.99 with garlic smashed potatoes, which are delicious but hardly epic.
-There is a story being told on these two records which is as epic as the music. Act I (2005) takes place in a post-apocalyptic landscape as reflected in the the distorted, fuzzy and digital music. You can hear it in the sounds. It makes you feel things. It’s musicalness.
-Act II: The Father of Death, released in 2009 to much acclaim, is a prequel, and as such is set in pre-apocalyptic times. Whereas Act I is the story of two robots, Act II is the story of two men. See how that’s different? You could write a term paper about that. If Act I was epic. Act II is downright Wagnerian. Just wait until you hear it. Oh, don’t wait. I’m excited for you to hear it for the first time. Might I suggest you keep a journal of your listening experience?
-Man, I tell you what, this is where it gets real. Act II was produced by Alan Shacklock (Meatloaf, The Alarm, Bonnie Tyler, Babe Ruth, Roger Daltry) and The Protomen. Mastering was provided by Richard Dodd (Tom Petty, Jeff Lynne, Roy Orbison, George Harrison, Traveling Wilburys).
-Yeah, I’m dropping names. What of it? You’ll need those to jack up your word count, anyhow.
-Speaking of name dropping, The Protomen were recently handpicked by Tenacious D to open a number of shows in Canada. Before that, they spent the last six years building a large and fiercely devoted fan base by kicking some major ass and headlining their own tours across the US and choice parts of Canada.
