Presumably you have things to do, so I’m going to get you up to speed on The Protomen in a hurry, so you can make it to happy hour at Applebee’s.

Allow me to make a bulleted list:

-The Protomen have distilled a thousand years of rock ‘n’ roll into a cocktail of rock ‘n’ roll awesome.

-This cocktail is not available for two-for-one during the Applebee’s happy hour.

-The Protomen are from Nashville, Tenn.

-Jack Daniel’s Tennessee whiskey is made in Tennessee.

-TGI Friday’s uses a Jack Daniel’s Whiskey sauce on a lot of their dishes.

-Applebee’s and TGI Friday’s are arch rivals.

-Rivalry is a theme on both of The Protomen’s records.

-The Protomen’s live show is a rock opera from the future about the good, the evil and the in-between. Their records are not merely collections of the band’s songs. Perhaps they are best understood as original cast recordings of the songs from their hit musical.

-The music is epic. It’s downright Homeric if Homer were a robot Meatloaf from the future. That’s Meatloaf the singer (who was also in David Fincher’s “Fight Club” and did a fine acting job, if I do say so myself), not the meatloaf sandwich available at Applebee’s for $7.99 with garlic smashed potatoes, which are delicious but hardly epic.

-There is a story being told on these two records which is as epic as the music. Act I (2005) takes place in a post-apocalyptic landscape as reflected in the the distorted, fuzzy and digital music. You can hear it in the sounds. It makes you feel things. It’s musicalness.

-Act II: The Father of Death, released in 2009 to much acclaim, is a prequel, and as such is set in pre-apocalyptic times. Whereas Act I is the story of two robots, Act II is the story of two men. See how that’s different? You could write a term paper about that. If Act I was epic. Act II is downright Wagnerian. Just wait until you hear it. Oh, don’t wait. I’m excited for you to hear it for the first time. Might I suggest you keep a journal of your listening experience?

-Man, I tell you what, this is where it gets real. Act II was produced by Alan Shacklock (Meatloaf, The Alarm, Bonnie Tyler, Babe Ruth, Roger Daltry) and The Protomen. Mastering was provided by Richard Dodd (Tom Petty, Jeff Lynne, Roy Orbison, George Harrison, Traveling Wilburys).

-Yeah, I’m dropping names. What of it? You’ll need those to jack up your word count, anyhow.

-Speaking of name dropping, The Protomen were recently handpicked by Tenacious D to open a number of shows in Canada. Before that, they spent the last six years building a large and fiercely devoted fan base by kicking some major ass and headlining their own tours across the US and choice parts of Canada.

Droids Attack laid it’s first groove down in the small utility room of singer/guitarist, Brad Van’s, legendary vintage arcade, Aftershock Retrogames back in the fall of 2000. Brad, and drummer, Tony Brungraber, had met at a video game resale shop years earlier, and had started jamming shortly thereafter. By this they time had finally found a bassist, Nate Bush, to join them, so everything was in place. They began writing songs, and focused on developing a sound for what was intended to be their long term project. Once a full set’s worth of material was amassed, the band was off trying to land as many shows as it could. As fate would have it their first show was booked by then Crustacean Records representative, and future Droids Attack bassist, Darwin Sampson. It was a chance meeting that would help shape the group’s progression in several ways. Darwin enjoyed the band’s set that night, and saw potential enough to convince him they were a project worth adding to Crustacean’s expansive roster. Their debut album, “All Your Chicks Are Belong To Us” was released in 2004.

The gears started shifting, and before you knew it Droid Attack became recognized as one of the best live shows around Madison. “All Your Chicks” was met with great acclaim, earning the band some excellent press, and a Madison Area Music Award for best punk album of 2004. Moving forward, Droids continued writing and expanding on their sound, getting more epic in scope and feel with their 2006 Crustacean Records release, “Fatal/Error.” This album saw the group traveling outside of their Midwestern territory as the road beckoned them forth, most notably to Toronto for North By North East, and a Crustacean Records showcase in Austin at South By South West. Shortly thereafter, another independent label, Round 13 Records, took interest in the band and a split twelve inch record entitled “Thee 1987 Inch,” was released with new label mates, Imperial Battlesnake, on the flip side in 2008.

As the band stayed busy on the road touring steadily in support of their Round 13 release, Crustacean Records clamped down on it’s Midwestern focus with the hopes of branching off into more national territory, kicking out releases from acts like Killdozer, Off With Their Heads, Peelander Z, The Giraffes, and The Soviettes. Thankfully, the label continued to see value in their relationship with Droids Attack, and agreed to put out the band’s third full length album, “Must Destroy” in 2010. A music video was released for their song, “The Great Wall Of ‘Gina,” and a buzz began, earning Must Destroy steady airplay on independent radio, and favorable reviews on metal blogs and international publications such as Outburn, Decibel, and Giant Robot. This exposure opened up more opportunities, and the band was invited to play some heavy gigs, opening up for national acts like High On Fire, Torche, Floor, Priestess, and performing at the nation’s largest independent music festival, Riot Fest. It was at this time that the group decided if it was to ever move forward from here, they had to go big or go home. They decided to take a shot, and began writing material for their fourth album, “Sci-Fi Or Die,” intent on giving it their best possible performance, and producing the best sounding recording they had ever achieved. Once enough new material was amassed, they began the process of demo recording.

Many challenges presented themselves to the band during this period of time, which culminated in a parting of the ways with Nate Bush in the midst of their demo sessions. It was a difficult hurdle to overcome, but in an effort to keep the project working steadily toward their goal, the band recruited Crustacean label mate, Dennis Ponozzo, bassist from Below The Sound, to fill in. The re-formed group hit the practice space, and before too long the band was back on it’s feet. The demo sessions were revisited, and the band resumed their busy road schedule completing several regional, and national tours over the course of a year. By then, the group felt confident in their performance, and ready to begin the final recording sessions for “Sci-Fi Or Die.” The process of seeking a studio and engineer to take on the final project had begun. But alas, it was not meant to be. Dennis could no longer afford to spend the time it would take to commit to seeing everything through, and had to step aside. Once again the project was stalled at a crossroads, but Brad had another capable person in mind.

Darwin Sampson, no longer affiliated with Crustacean Records, was now running his own venue in Madison, WI, The Frequency, and maintaining an active role in the local music scene handling bass duties for several bands in the area. A call was made, the invitation to join Droids was enthusiastically accepted, and it was evident from the very first jam session that this line up was a solid match. After familiarizing himself with the entire Droids Attack catalog, it was time to take another look at “Sci-Fi Or Die.” Once again, the demo sessions were dusted off and pulled down from the shelf. After everything was completed to their satisfaction, Droids Attack booked time with Mark Whitcomb at DNA Studios to record and mix the final “Sci-Fi Or Die” sessions. Once everything was a wrap, Roger Lian at Masterdisk put the finishing touches on it, and after much consideration the band was satisfied that they had achieved everything they had initially set out to accomplish. “Sci-Fi Or Die” is to be released on the independent Midwestern label, Riff Reaper Records, on February 26th, 2016.

When the IRONFINGER pokes you, you will step back at first. Immediately after, you will step forward to accept the challenge and take a better listen at exactly what the FINGER is telling you. IRONFINGER will blast you to the core with its direct assault on the senses. IRONFINGER is hard-driving rock, chock full of relentless guitar riffs and jagged instrumental and vocal melodies.

P.K. Ripper, guitarist of Chicago progressive metal legends Slauter Xstroyes, assembled IRONFINGER along with guitarist Jerry Buczko and bassist Bill Dixon. Their intent is to burn down an audience as if a scorching 85 mile-an-hour wind of fire were charging from the stage. Their front line of blistering guitar runs are precise yet unpredictable, serving only as a full-throttle thrust into one of their many blasting groove-heavy rhythms. Drummer John Ashe antagonistically encourages them to forge forward with his heavy-handed slamming, pushing and pulling without remorse. With the addition of vocalist Fred Morg, IRONFINGER stretches melodies up and over the entire machine, as well as weaving a melodic thread through the counterpoint. Their lyrics, bringing insight to a world losing touch with its human element, are made more meaningful when the IRONFINGER audio assault pushes it forward.

IRONFINGER’s sound is derived from its members’ varied backgrounds. Each members is a seasoned veteran of the hard rock music scene, having merged together from different corners of Chicago’s rock scene. Whether it be Rock, Punk/Pop, or Metal; and the interaction is still seamless and honest without sounding like a dysfunctional melting pot. IT JUST ROCKS.

The FINGER is on the trigger, and its shooting will be rapid and focused. Every IRONFINGER live show wins over its audience, and their soon-to-be-released debut will do the same in 2014. With its seemingly endless arsenal of musical ideas and conquered goals, IRONFINGER WILL POKE AT YOU.

Since mid-2008, Chicago’s Bitter Wigs have been committed to carving out the tightest, loudest, rock grooves imaginable. Their dynamic stage performances have garnered them a large cult following around the city, even without the release of an “official” recording. “The Wigs” harbor roots steeped in early 70’s punk simplicity, but always with an eye fixed on the future. Their first studio recording will be available in early 2010. Some of the test versions of those recordings can be heard here now, with the final versions being posted after the album is released. Enjoy.

Since Johnny Vomit’s inception in December of 1986, the band has created quite a name for itself with its patented brand of musical mayhem. Hailing from Chicago’s South Side and south suburbs, Johnny Vomit has attained cult-like status through numerous frenzied live gigs, one-of-a-kind drunken blowouts, and a 1989 demo that unleashed the band throughout the underground.

Influenced by mid-80’s speed metal, hardcore and punk rock, the band was formed by John and Roman while attending Northern Illinois University in DeKalb, IL. John took the name Johnny (from his high school screw around band John Doe) and Roman contributed the name Vomit (from his high school project Vomit) to arrive with the moniker Johnny Vomit. Venom, Discharge, D.R.I., Black Flag, Meatmen and the Mentors are cited as the bands’s early influences.